Pachyderms vs. Asses vs. Flags vs. Colors vs...

Just wanted to wish all a happy independence day. What is this day all about? Is it blowing things up? To put your hand over your heart and be patriotic? Or is it perhaps whatever you make of it. Enjoying that of which you like to enjoy. For me, it's simple. I celebrate by being an arrogant bastard.



Be safe and drink plenty. Or don't be safe and don't drink at all, whatever floats you boat.

Happy 4th of July all my peeps.

Happy Friday the 13th

Happy Friday the 13th everyone. This is the 2nd of three for the year. Glad you made it to the second one, and hopefully you will make it to the third. So I thought I'd give some pointers to all my peeps on how to survive the night.

Seeing that many kids in their late teens seem to loose their lives in the most grizzliest of fashions on a night such as tonight, I saw I could lend a hand. I am an expert on the matter on the account I have seen many of the Friday the 13th movies. Thus, I can help you survive ... maybe.

First off, don't go camping, especially near an old summer camp, near a lake, or near anything with "Blood" in the title. This should be a dead give away.

If you are in your late teens/early 20's, yet look to be nearly 30, you have no shot in staying alive. Really, don't go out and watch your back.

You have a better shot at surviving if you live a virtuous life. Not as many virgins and non-drinkers will be sacrificed. Also, if you are watching over children, put them to bed and decide to start fornicating, you have no chance. Period. Most likely your head will be squeezed to the point that one of your eyes will pop out with help of the spring in the back of your skull.

If you are being pursued by a large man with no hair, dons a hockey mask and overalls, and carries a large machete, don't worry about running. Even if you are fit and a decent runner, and your assailant is walking at his own slow pace, he will catch you, and most likely somehow get in front of you. You will definitely fall at some point, so don't look back, it never helps. You will not win this one. Just lay down and let the mayhem happen.

Lastly, if at anytime you hear the sounds of "ki ki ki, ma ma ma" accompanied by a striking violin, you are in the presence of a killer. Your only chance of winning this one is hopefully your parents burned a pedophile to death when they were younger. It would also be advantageous if you have a severe case of narcolepsy and have frequent nightmares. Then you have a shot of said pedophile to fight your assailant. Most likely, the resurrected child rapist will not defeat the resurrected teen killer, but should give you enough time to get the hell out of dodge.

I hope you will heed my words and enjoy your Friday the 13th. Happy being the hunted day.

Happy Square Root Day (-1)

I am so sorry. I forgot to wish you all a happy Square Root Day yesterday (3/3/09). The next time we see one of these puppies will be on my 42 birthday. Then my son will also have a birthday on one of these, he will be 50 on his. Then to close it all, my dad will turn 133 on his. Something tells me he, nor I, will see it. So sad :(

Anyway, I hope everyone enjoyed it. See you again in 7 years, 1 month and 1 day (-1 day).

Yet another $Million idea

Yep, another idea worth at least millions. Problem is, I can't tell you. I signed a non-verbal, non-traceable contract with my fellow programmer, Yakob the Jew. All I can say for now is that at 99 cents a pop, all we have to do is sell 2,020,202 units, and we each have a cool $Mill.

I'll keep you informed as we get closer to release date.

All praise the mighty Probot (the prophet robots, not the band, although the band is totally sweet too.)

Thinking in the commode is bad ... mmmkay

I had an epiphany. In the place they should occur ... in the crapper. This is actually a good self question that has me baffled. Ready? Well, that doesn't matter, I'm writing it anyway.

Why do I care about the future of humanity and the betterment of my community if I generally don't like people?

I have friends, and I like them, hence, the title "friends". I do not like crowds. I think people (mind you, not an individual person) are stupid. Groups of people are reactionary and don't think. People are out to cover their own ass. The individual is a person with needs and trials of their own, and possibly similar to mine. Thus I am sympathetic to the individual. Groups of people are still humanity, thus, my quandary.

I am a "Buy Local First" advocate. It's better for the community if the locally owned business succeeds over the national chain. The money is more apt to stay locally, thus contributing to the betterment of where YOU reside, rather than sending support elsewhere. I also have no problem paying taxes so others may go to school. Educations makes a more efficient "smarter" people and community.

So why should I care if I think most people suck? I'm a humanitarian that doesn't like people. Is that right? Is it because I have a need to teach my children to be good people, no matter what? To treat others like I would like to be treated? (BTW, I think it's the only useful religious teaching ... although the religious are generally intolerant to those with differing opinions, but I digress.) I will stay the same until I find reason otherwise. I will keep treating those who do not respect me with respect. For no other reason than I do not have faith in you? Make sense?

So there it is, me being serious.

Just a quick note

Thought I would just write a quick post. To let all my readers know about my other blog.

cbdouchedotcom.blogspot.com

This is dedicated to that douche Chris Buttars. I write in that blog even less than this one, but at least it's more. It may not go up to 11, but ... nothing.

I seriously suck

So once again I've gone awol. I seriously need to get back to this. Not like anyone is reading it.

I guess one thing is new: www.frogsknott.info redirects to this blog. Yeah for me.

Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Go to slee.....