WTF?!!!

Last night I was hanging with a friend. He informs me that David Allen Coe is playing at Bar Deluxe. Well hell, I'd like to see him perform before he dies. I mean, he's 69 years old and has lived a hard life. The man isn't lasting much longer.

So we get to the stinky bar. Not stinky from smoke anymore. It's the funk from people that think deodorant and showering are over rated. Oh, and the opening act stunk. Man that guy blew. Opening line to his first song was "maybe I'm a bastard". Well, that was good enough for everyone to hoot and halla. The guy was a redneck from Oklahoma. Need I say more?

Well, the night progresses. We watch a girl change her shirt right in front of us. We had a couple beers. We were going to see David Allen Coe. A good night was in store.

We decide to cross the street to the Bayou to pass time as the less than mediocre opening acts and have another beer. We head back and low and behold, who is on the stage? Wait ... what? That's not David Allen Coe. WTF? I'd heard he wears a wig, but this was an all out impostor. He's much too young. He's standing off to the side almost hiding behind an amp, away from the lights. Now, anyone who puts his own name in their lyrics as much as he does, is not a bashful person. I've seen video of the guy. He puts himself right up in front stage. He's David Allen Coe and he lets you know it. This was maybe David Melvin Coe. Pissed us off so much, we left after 3 songs. We'd been hoodwinked.

I went to see a legend (in his own mind). And didn't. To pull a stunt like that. Even seeing a girl change her shirt in the middle of a bar wasn't enough to fix it. David Allen Coe, you're a douche.

Where have I been?

Wow, seriously, where have I been. I really can't explain. Lazy Town. That's where. That's really all I can think of.

Really haven't been too original lately. Beat up by my job. In a funk. I can go on and on with excuses, but for what? Won't make me feel any better, nor will it make all my readers (all 2 of you) feel better. The only thing I can promise is I will do better. I will take the time needed to fill you in to my awesome (or so-so) brain.

'Til next time, peace.

All Aboard: An open letter to free loaders

The time has finally come. The FrontRunner is up and running along the Wasatch front (or at least from Salt Lake to Ogden). Mass transit is finally finding it's way in Utah. Hurray! I can now go to work (a one-way 35 mile commute) with only driving 2 miles and one transfer. This will save me some serious cash in the long run. And to get people use to the train, UTA is having free fair on FrontRunner over the next few days. I get to commute to work for low cost, This is awesome for me. The commute in the morning was great. Going northbound, there were not a whole lot of people on the train. Nice. Quiet. Commuters.

... But ...

When I got to the station in the afternoon to head home, holy crap almighty. The station packed with people. Not by commuters trying to go home, but by your families who decided to have family home evening on the free train ride. Who's idea was it to have family fun time during commuter hours? When did common courtesy get thrown out the window? Standing in line for the train, first one to get on the next train, I was butted in front of by some old lady and what appeared to be her grand-daughter, followed by her other family members. As soon as the train doors open, we let the people leaving the train get off ... wait, no, we don't do that. We push ourselves onto the train not allowing passengers to GO HOME. So I do what every good hearted citizen would do, I push the old bag out of the way to allow others off, and me on before her.

People are trying to go home from work via the train. Mass transit is suppose to cut down on vehicles on the road, thus cutting down pollution, thus making my air easier to breath, and saving me some money by not having to put gas in my car every 3-4 days (at over $40 a pop). But no, you drove to work, you drove home, you picked up your family in your family truckster, then drove to the train station for a family outing. Not helping out the cause and just pissing me off.

What should have been a 40 minute commute turned into 2 friggin' hours of being around stoopit people pointing out passing trees through the window. If your kid is too dumb to know what a tree going by the window is, they are too dumb to realize they are on a train.

Now I do not blame UTA one bit for giving free fair for a couple days. Hey, it's free stress testing for them. They get to test out their new train to the fullest. Just remind people to be courteous ('cause we all know that can't do it on their own) and allow us commuters to go home. Remember, we commuters didn't drive. We want to go home and be with our families too.

All I can say is, 2 more days of this crap when only the real UTA paying customers will be riding. And thank Ala for Powerman 5000!

Not even as good as David Vobora

The 2008 NFL Draft has come and gone. The 252nd player picked? David Vobora. Not Oliver LeGrand. Sad sad day in the LeGrand household following the depressing draft.

I can start to see where i went wrong now.

1. Have not played competitive football for nearly 16 years. (Does flag football count?)
2. I'm slightly out of shape.
3. I'm old.
4. I'm not violent or popular enough.
5. No agent. (I thought declaring myself eligible for the draft on my blog would be enough.)
6. The Liberal media.
   

Well, I guess I need to move on. There is always the NBA, NHL, WNBA, MLS, and MLB drafts.

Oh well, onto my next $1,000,000 idea.

I am getting nervous

So, here it is, the week prior to NFL draft weekend and I am getting nervous. I have not been invited to any of the pro scouting camps. I have not talked with any pro scouts. I have been watching the mock drafts, and I am not listed. I am just hoping the liberal media making these lists are just using their biased liberal agendas to push me out.

Anyway, I still have hope. See you this weekend.... hopefully.

My next $Million (possibly more)

So my first attempt at becoming a millionaire fell short. OK, so I got zero monies from it. I was sad for a while, but I must move on. However, part of the reason I am able to move on is I discovered another way to make $1,000,000, and possibly even more. It's pure ingenious.

Here it goes.

I am hereby forgoing my last (4) years of college eligibility to enter into the NFL draft. I enjoyed my year at Utah State, nearly 16 years ago, but have found it no longer necessary for me to be attached to the great program in Logan, Utah. I feel I have learned all I could from the great Aggie coaching staff. I will remember my roots. But I need to move on, for my family (and pocketbook), and think I have a lot to offer to the NFL. I will be entering the league as a rookie, with veteran age. This will help out any team that will pick me up. I will not get into trouble with the local communities. No headlines in the paper reading Oliver LeGrand: will he ever stop shooting people that don't want to be shot? And yet I will have the enthusiasm of a rookie that has never seen the inside of one of them really big buildings you only see on the TV with the bunny ears in my parents double wide. Plus, I will not complain about an utterly ridiculous multi million dollar contract. No long drawn out contract disputes with this guy. I want the team, the NFL, and me to succeed. And when it is time for me to retire, I will bow out with dignity, and a couple Bentleys.

Looking forward to hearing from a lucky team on the 26th of April, where my family and I will be watching with anticipation from our humble living room.

I knew it

Possibly the best online quiz I have ever taken that really defines me. Those that know me well would completely agree.

Which Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Character Are You?
	You are Michelangelo. You are laid back and all about having a good time. Cowabunga!
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

My parents would be proud

95%ALCOHOLIC

i am a beast!

25

For I am a Sad Panda

So why am I so sad? Read on, if you have the heart.

When I made my first post that shed the light on global normaling (How I will get $1,000,000), I was a happy carefree young lad. I had the future in front of me and the world in the palms of my little hands. I was in a Google search (third result when searching “global normaling”). I had so many dreams of what I was going to do with my $1,000,000. I would have even bought all the guys here at work lunch. This blog broke boundaries and enlightened the un-enlightenable.

Those were the days of innocence, and innocence has been raped from me. Shortly after my showing up in a Google search, it was for some reason removed. My fingers are pointing towards the mafia running the global warming/cooling camps. Jerks. You heard me; you are jerks, shame on you. This, in turn, resulted in people not being made aware of the real global temperature problem, thus not getting me in the lime light, thus people not throwing money at me. Not even a sad little penny has been given to me. I could have written books about it… or at least short stories.

I, clutching my chest, could have been nominated, and won, a Nobel Peace Prize. I could have been a star. Instead, I am just Oliver, the sad panda.